How to Suffer

by Richard McGraw

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1.
Tragedy 03:27
Tragedy, slip from my heart ‘cause I’d like to try to make a new start with light in the morning and love in the dark Sadness, all of my life I’ve seen you around corners where old men reside You find me in bedrooms where young love once lie and now you’ll find me trying to say goodbye, goodbye Can I follow the rainbow? Can I follow the heart? Tragedy is that all you got? Someone is here then someone is not and some things you have and some things you want Is that all you got? Can I follow the rainbow? Can I follow the heart? And if I follow the rainbow, can I follow the heart? Well I followed the heart, I followed the rainbow and there were good things inside of me awaiting a stranger I followed the heart, I followed the rainbow and there were good times and labor and the dread of forever and the heart was a bicycle and love helped me sing and an angel called tragedy takes everything so we follow the heart, we follow the rainbow and now you’ll see me try trying to say goodbye, goodbye
2.
I don’t need much, the sun and a touch You might need more, like the son of a whore Digging our graves the old fashion way while working full-time Infiite Mind where have you been my whole...? Your Hamptons home is all alone I’d like to see infinity It gets so scary when I try Should I pray or should I cry? Infinite Heart where have you been my whole...? Nuts and butts and gentlemen waiting for the world to end and perfect summer days Your new degree, a pleasantry This prison cell was made for me I get so grateful I could die For every love there is a lie Infinite Mind, I heard your light is the light And your right can wrong every right So why can’t you be here with me most of the...? Nuts and butts and getlemen waiting for the world to end and perfect summer days Lusty busty gentle friends and every beast you couldn’t mend to make you feel this way Deep sea dirt and graveyard grass and helicopters flying past on perfect summer days
3.
And when I miss her I’ll feel the pain and when I die I’ll be born again There’s something drawing me to you Ooh ooh ooh I wanna drive across this land sink my feet into the sand forget that I am just a man forget that too, ooh And all these lovely lanes of hope And all these lover’s lanes say nope And every time I bought their dope when I held you I walked through flames of movie dreams became this heavy hearted king I once saw love in everything when I held you, ooh Like a God and like a man and like some desperate reaching hand there’s something in these worn-out plans that led me to you And like a child and like the sea I had to love, you had to leave and all that is was meant to be until it’s through
4.
Silver Trays 02:37
Pete will take me back again He’s mellowed out and hiring and I’ve sold out and I am looking These songs they get me nowhere fast I’ll work the counter and I’ll sell  whatever goddamn thing sells the best ‘Cause mom and daddy they got money but not enough to make life funny I got an education girl It just made me smart about this stupid world I married once or twice again, I just ended up losing another one or two of my best friends ‘Cause I had plans to do great things with this bottle in my hand and this knucke by my ring and I don’t know, I don’t know so all the little children go, “Is every door half open or half closed?” Well I used to work for a girl she sat behind a glass table I thought she was a woman or a wounded animal She would call to me from the den show me her white fangs again and I’d return the silver tray back to the kitchen ‘Cause she had money and just enough to make me bend, bow, kneel, and bluff  and I don’t know, I don’t know so all the Roger Daltreys go, “I hope I die before I get old” Well I tried to be a priest but there was too much to believe I tried to be intellectual but that wasn’t very sensual I tried manual labor I even mowed my mother’s lawn for her She just gave me twenty dollars and told me not to quit my day job I said, “Fine mom, I’d rather be a bum because at least bums have more fun” She said, “Without health insurance you’ll just end up with a broken arm and who’s gonna pay for them broken bones, them student loans, that brand new guitar That don’t sound like much of a rock star!” Winter spring summer fall I found it hard to screw it all I tore my jeans and ripped my sleeves put tattoos on my arms and knees There’s comfort in the office chair I put more gel into my hair  There are open mic night slutty scenes to fill my horny rockstar dreams There are lost and found little children all around and if you’re born above the middle you still end up underground And I don’t know, I don’t know So all the little children go, “Is every door half open or half closed?” I dont know, so all the Roger Daltreys go, “I hope I die before I get old” I don’t know
5.
6.
You did your best that tattoo on your chest and God only knows and it takes one to know one I suppose ‘Cause you have to lose everything that you bruise Well it’s just common sense If it aint a cliché, well lets make it one Son of a ghost And those were not the good ol’ days I was hoplessly horny you were subtly crazed And you had quite the temper for some two-hand touch on some mid-September Then you hurt my soul with your Asian friend that I did not know My toenails were long I guess that was wrong but you kept going on Son of a ghost Maybe we never clicked long enough for our love to stick But there once was some magic when you called me money grip And I’m still afraid of every child that has never been saved and I heard you got a gun I guess you needed one or maybe that shit’s fun Son of a ghost
7.
Sadness 03:13
Sadness, you want to be with me all night and all day You always find a secret door Someone I loved before but I can’t love no more And maybe it might feel better And maybe it won’t feel any better For every girl that I loved before there’s always one more there’s always some secret door and love can be such a simple thing the cover of a magazine she was always so beautiful to me and maybe it might feel better and maybe it won’t feel any better Sadness, I know you miss that touch I know you’re wondering I know what seasons bring but I can’t seem to figure out what time is all about and is there mercy for me? Maybe it might feel better And maybe it won’t feel any better, in time
8.
How many times must I lose you? I guess once ain’t enough Seems like everytime you call here My heart is your body You taught me about awe and I taught you how to suffer. And love, sweet love you leave me then burn then return And all things must leave girl And all things must go But just the other day I was free girl And love, sweet love you leave me then burn then return In my days I find myself in dream And in my nights I want you here with me And love, sweet love you leave me then burn then return you leave me Don’t burn Please return
9.
On a numb dumb Sunday morning as you walk into the church of your one bedroom apartment where the worship tends to hurt There’s a fire inside your lonely There’s a weight upon your heart There’s a doctor you cannot afford A life waisted on art and a queue of pains inside your brain one’s about to start It’s like letting go of Linsdey and the promises she made to write you every Thursday  to visit at your grave Now you’re walking with the wounded  I guess none of that has changed and you offered her your blood and guts your promise and your name and looking back on everything nothing looks the same It’s like letting go of Lindsey was the hardest thing to do so you locked yourself into some hopeless hell just to get through, wah hoo The only love to speak of  is the doormat in your chest That disappearing everything well even that has left and oh that bit of bitterness it just wants you to feel the way she stepped upon your heart before she left for real, wah hoo
10.
I made it through sorrow What else could I do? With a girl in my heart and a foot in my shoe I thought g-d was emptiness I thought there was prayer There was just a lonely animal and a boy who likes to stare Forever forever forever and forever I walked over walls to find someone like you then you hurt me and I hurt myself  What else could I do? Why Mr. Hungry? Why are you starved? Is love just an answer? Is that what you are? Forever forever forever and forever What else could I do except cut the chord? Sit with the pain, until it applauds Time can be gentle a hand in your hair and me I still love you and you, you are not there Forever forever forever and forever I know, I know, I know you can’t hear me see me, feel me, touch me, and heal me Forever forever forever and forever
11.
35-45 03:57
Look at all these pills Look up at these stairs Look at all the lovers you set free Angel wings and stupid things are made for men like me but some men need the darkness just to see 35/45 got your head on right, got your stride When you were an animal  love was just a dream you’ve been climbing your whole life to see Now that you’re a child of God or something in between is everything still beautiful and mean? 35/45 got your head on right, got your stride 35/45 with that enemy by your side And love oh light might have made you Well you were young then, thought it could save you All that cold and those years that you have sold and the love that you hold tight at night Does that make it allright? Look at all the years you tried and what they all could mean like some old puzzle in a magazine The wishing well, the things you sell the graveyard and the trees they got love that you cannot receive  35/45 got your head on right, got your stride 35/45 with that enemy by your side
12.
The End 01:06
Dearest friends the end is near one last day of love and fear
13.
In the town that my body was born in there’s a graveyard with my family tree There’s a hill where the still likes to find me there like a love that you lost though you never can tell Just how long is this infinite spell? For there’s life between the old haunting dream and the old shivering spine There’s a God deep in the desert There’s a home somewhere inside me There’s a song that I sing when I lose my way and a girl I remember when I need her that way  I might always need her that way For there’s life between the old haunting dream and the old shivering spine So I long for the things not inside me in my square-wheeled chair I sing And the face of a bride that I never can hide like her body, the ocean, and the old oceanside and them voices that desperately sigh That there’s life between the old haunting dream and the old shivering spine 
14.
Grandma 03:35
Grandma left us this time last year and I still don’t know why I’m here Mama still cries herself to sleep but all that dark just keeps me awake Put on the TV what else can you do? You can only make love for so long All those feelings used to be so strong I guess feelings they die too If only God knew how sorry I am If only I could see Christ rise again When Grandma said she was afraid to die was it her in that bed or was it I Mom laid by her side and held her so right Saying everything’s gonna be alright Grandma used to sleep with the TV on It’s better then dark, it’s kinda like dawn Maybe in my childhood something went wrong, but I don’t think I’ll get away with this one And my best friend let me down again Guess that’s why he’s my best friend Says he’s going back to the old high school Says the girls are pretty there, prettier then you And I still think of Grandma from time to time going back to work when the sun is shining One of these days I’m gonna be a big man One of these days I’m gonna learn to die If only God knew how sorry I am If only I could see Christ rise again ‘Cause grandma left us this time last year and she didn’t leave us so well Some smile and pray, some scream and yell and inside I’m screaming like hell Mama still cries herself to sleep but all that dark just keeps me awake Put on the TV what else can you do You can only make love for so long
15.
TV 03:49

about

How to Suffer, a record or album of songs by Richard McGraw

credits

released July 10, 2016

all songs
by richard mcgraw except
shivering spine
by richard mcgraw and ben sadock

produced
by alexander foote and richard mcgraw

recorded and mixed
at beech house by mark nevers

tragedy, tv, silver trays & lonely animal recorded
in brooklyn by alexander foote

mastered
at yes master studios by jim demain, assisted by amy marie

string arrangements
by alexander foote

son of a ghost choral arrangement
by matt kanelos

strings recorded
at the bunker studio by todd carder

players:

Marie Lewis: Vocals
Ben Sadock: Vocals
Matt Kanelos Vocals

Tony Crow: Piano
Byron House: Bass
Bryon Owings: Drums

Karen Waltuch: Viola
Christopher Hoffman: Cello
Christina Courtin: Violin
Nathan Kamal: Violin
Ryan Keberle: Trombone

children's choir:
Catherine Ornsby
Renee Ryan, Justine Janicot,
Amandine Houllier

Lee Petruzzelli: Pedal Steel

Tim Collins: Vibes

Mark Nevers: Distortion

Jay Foote: Bass

Alexander Foote: Everything Else

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Richard McGraw Jacksonville, Florida

A record on Leonard Cohen's kitchen table and one in Lou Reed's hands.

A few loyal devotees have kept this man's art afloat for over 20 years.

"He is an unknown legend in his time."
-Neil Young
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